Episode 158
Ep158: Worried you're being self-indulgent? Don't be!
I was prompted to record this week's episode after two separate conversations where people told me their exciting ideas felt too self indulgent to pursue. When we think that way about the projects that light us up, we actively block our growth so let's unpack why that story is so common. After all, why shouldn't you indulge yourself in the things that bring you joy? Isn't that why you started your business in the first place?
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Transcript
Welcome to Unfrazzle, a podcast for solo business owners with a big vision who are ready for a kinder, more sustainable approach to productivity.
Speaker A:I'm Louise Miller and each week I share bite size insights to help you step away from the hustle, stop faffing and stay focused so you can make your brilliant ideas happen and make a bigger impact in the world.
Speaker A:And before we dive into today's episode, if you enjoy what I'm sharing here on Unfrazzle and you'd like to support the podcast, you can buy me a cuppa by going to buymeacoffee.com louisemiller and making a one off donation.
Speaker A:I'll pop a link to that in the show notes.
Speaker A:Okay, grab yourself a cuppa and let's get started.
Speaker A:This week's episode is inspired by two conversations I had in the same week recently where two people use the term self indulgent to describe working on the projects that excited them in their business.
Speaker A:And I figured that if two people said that to me in the space of a few days, there must be more of you out there feeling that way.
Speaker A:So it is worth diving into a little more deeply.
Speaker A:So when you describe the activities that would grow your business as self indulgent and when you perceive that as a bad thing, it's a problem, isn't it?
Speaker A:Because not only does that way of thinking actively block your growth, it also suggests that you believe that the things that would bring you joy, success and fulfillment are not allowed.
Speaker A:It's almost as if you're carrying around this narrative that says who am I to think I can spend time doing things that feel good and that could make me wildly successful.
Speaker A:In response to that, I say who are you not to?
Speaker A:And I think there's a difference between a self indulgent billionaire who thinks it's fun to send a bunch of people into space just because he can, when the world is literally on fire.
Speaker A:That kind of self indulgence causes harm to people and to planet and there's usually a whole load of arrogance, entitlements and narcissism in the mix there as well.
Speaker A:But when you are indulging yourself in the things that light you up that will actually help you make a bigger impact with work that is doing good in the world.
Speaker A:There is nothing selfish or harmful about that.
Speaker A:In fact, if I were feeling particularly bolshy, I might even say that the more selfish act is to not do the thing as it means you're denying the people who need you from receiving your fabulous magic.
Speaker A:So the people who Talked to me about feeling self indulgent in the same breath as sharing a desire to lean more fully into the things that light them up.
Speaker A:They felt that they should be prioritizing everyone and everything else first.
Speaker A:Client, work, family responsibilities, doing the things they'd always done, even when those things feel like pulling teeth and aren't working.
Speaker A:Because trying something different, trying something that actually feels fun, isn't allowed.
Speaker A:And it is understandable that so many people feel that way.
Speaker A:So, so many of us, particularly women, have been trained to put everyone and everything else above our own needs.
Speaker A:And then also there's the work ethic that has been instilled into so many of us that says that for something to be of value, it needs to be hard.
Speaker A:And that reminds me of one of my very first one to one mentoring clients many moons ago.
Speaker A:She was a coach, but she was also a brilliant writer and she wanted to incorporate more writing into her work, blogging in particular.
Speaker A:And yet, weeks and months would go by where she hadn't written a thing.
Speaker A:And it was so frustrating for her.
Speaker A:She really wanted to do more writing, but she wasn't doing it.
Speaker A:And then eventually one day we had a breakthrough.
Speaker A:We realized that she had internalized the idea that work was meant to be difficult, it wasn't meant to be fun.
Speaker A:And for her, writing was fun.
Speaker A:And so although she might have wanted to be writing blogs, her subconscious wouldn't let her because it didn't think that that was proper work.
Speaker A:Her subconscious thought it was a waste of time.
Speaker A:And so it diverted her towards other less fun things, not because it was trying to sabotage her, but because it thought that a strong work ethic didn't include fun and that doing those other things would be more likely to bring her success.
Speaker A:But at what cost, right?
Speaker A:Writing was so easy and fun for her.
Speaker A:And when we incorporate those things into our business, that is often when we start to fly, because we're way more likely to be consistent with things that feel fun and easeful.
Speaker A:But her subconscious didn't buy into that until we realized what was going on and we could actively do something about it.
Speaker A:So as soon as she realized the thing that was holding her back was this deeply ingrained unconscious belief that writing is fun and work isn't meant to be fun, she could choose to write anyway to give herself permission to do the fun thing, showing her subconscious that good things happen when she did.
Speaker A:So what if we could shift our thinking so that self indulgence is no longer a heinous thing that should be avoided at all?
Speaker A:Costs.
Speaker A:After all, why shouldn't we luxuriate and indulge ourselves in the things that we enjoy the most that would bring us the most fulfillment in our businesses?
Speaker A:You didn't start your business so you could deny yourself the pleasure of doing the things you're good at, but so that you could fully lean into them in a way that's often not possible in employment.
Speaker A:Right?
Speaker A:And that is the thing I love most about running my business.
Speaker A:I get to mold it around what feels good to me and how I work best, doing more of the things I enjoy, like creating this podcast for you and avoiding the things that I don't like speaking on stages and recording videos for YouTube.
Speaker A:It is not self indulgent for me to spend time thinking about new ways I can support you that also feel fun for me and would bring in some extra income.
Speaker A:You know, things like my focus and flow retreat, which are fulfilling for me and really valuable for you.
Speaker A:So just watch out for moments when you think about exploring something in your business that feels good for you and then shut it down.
Speaker A:Why are you resisting that thing?
Speaker A:Could it be because you're holding on to a belief that work is supposed to be hard, that doing the thing that you love is self indulgent and that that's not okay?
Speaker A:So chances are that that's all happening on an unconscious level.
Speaker A:So see what you can do to slow down a little bit and notice.
Speaker A:And if you suspect that this is something that's holding you back, then that's great, right?
Speaker A:Because now you get to choose if you would like to change that story and give yourself permission to do the things that bring you joy, that feel easy, that are fun and fulfilling.
Speaker A:Because when you have more of that in your life, that is when you thrive.
Speaker A:So as always, I hope that this helps and I look forward to seeing you again soon.
Speaker A:Thank you for listening to Unfrazzle.
Speaker A:If you enjoyed this episode, please subscribe and share it with a friend who needs a dose of kind, calm productivity in their life.
Speaker A:And I'd love it if you could leave me a rating or a review as that will help more people discover the podcast.
Speaker A:And if you're struggling with productivity right now, take my free assessment to find out what's really getting in the way of you getting things done.
Speaker A:It takes less than three minutes to complete and I'll send you tailored resources and insights that will help based on your score.
Speaker A:You'll find that@louisemiller.uk quiz and there's a link for that in the show notes.
Speaker A:So thank you so much for being here.
Speaker A:And I look forward to seeing you next time, Sam.
